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December 28 2019

22:22

Puberty

I was musing about writing about this publicly. For the first time in all these years of writing pretty personal stuff about my feelings, my way of becoming more honest with myself and a more authentic person through that I was thinking about letting you in on this is a good idea.

You see, people have used information from my personal blog in the past, and tried to use it against me. Needless to say they failed with it, and it only showed their true face. So why does it feel different this time?

Thing is, I'm in the midst of my second puberty, and the hormones are kicking in in complete hardcore mode. And it doesn't help at all that there is trans antagonist crap from the past and also from the present popping up left and right at a pace and a concentrated amount that is hard to swallow on its own without the puberty.

Yes, I used to be able to take those things with a much more stable state. But every. Single. Of. These. Issues is draining all the energy out of myself. And even though I'm aware that I'm not the only one trying to fix all of those, even though for some spots I'm the only one doing the work, it's easier said than done that I don't have to fix the world, when the areas involved mean the world to me. Are areas that support me in so many ways. Are places that I need. And on top of that, the hormones are multiplying the energy drain of those.

So ... I know it's not that common. I know you are not used to a grown up person to go through puberty. But for god's sake. Don't make it harder than it has to be. I know it's hard to deal with a 46 year old teenager, so to say, I'm just trying to survive in this world of systematic oppression of trans people.

It would be nice to go for a week without having to cry your eyes out because another hostile event happened that directly affects your existence. The existence of trans lives aren't a matter of different opinions or different points of view, so don't treat it like that, if you want me to believe that you are a person able of empathy and basic respect.

Sidenote: Finishing to write this at this year's #36c3 is quite interesting because of the conference title: Resource Exhaution. Oh the irony.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 13 | Flattr this

December 06 2019

23:01

Oxa

It's been a while. And to be honest, I'm overdue with a few things that I want to get out. One of those things is … Brazil doesn't let me go. I'm watching this country since over a year now, hopefully understandable with the political changes last year and this year's debconf being there, and I promise to go into more details with that in the future because there is more and more to it …

Because one of those things that showed me that Brazil doesn't want to let me go was stumbling upon this artist. They were shared by some friends, and I instantly fell for them. This is about Oxa, but see for yourself:

  • Toy: Their first performance at the show »The Voice of Germany«, where they also stated that they are non-binary. And the song is lovely.
  • Born This Way: With this one, the spoken word interlude gave me goosebumps and I'm astonished that this was possible to get into the show. Big respect!
  • I'm Still Standing: The lyrics in this song are also just as powerful as the other chosen ones. Extremely fine selection!

I'm absolute in love with the person on so many levels–and yes, they are from Brazil originally. Multo brigado, Brazil!

/music | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

November 20 2019

13:33

Trans Day of Remembrance 2019

Today, November 20th, is Trans Day of Remembrance. It is about remembering victims of hate crimes that aren't amongst us anymore. Last year we learned about at least 331 murdered trans people, the real number is like always higher. Also like always it affects mostly trans women of color who are the target of multiple discriminatory patterns.

What is also a pattern is that Brazil has a fair chunk of those murders. Unfortunately the country since a while is on the top in that statistic, but the election of an right winged outspoken queer hating person as president of the country last year did make those who feel the hate having some sort of legitimacy to it, which makes it obviously harder to survive these days. My thoughts thus are specifically with the people of Brazil who fight for their survival.

Right-winged parties though rise all around the globe spreading hate, and as our Debian Free Software Guidelines say in #5, "No Discrimination Against Persons or Groups", and this is something that we can't limit only to software licenses but also have to extend to the way we work as community.

If you ask what you can do: Support your local community spaces and support groups. I had the pleasure to meet Grupo Dignidade during my stay in Curitiba for DebConf 19, and was very thankful for a representative of that group to join my Debian Diversity BoF. Thanks again, Ananda, it was lovely having you!

Meu Corpo é Político - my body is political.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

April 29 2019

12:32

Lesbian Visibility Day

I was musing whether I should post something for the Lesbian Visibility Day on April 26th. After all, being part of the European Lesbian* Conference means a lot to me. I've never felt so much empowered and being part of an event that takes inclusivity to a next level.

And then ... there is still a lot of these internalized doubts. I fully stand behind EL*C and its inclusive agenda. I know that the L is accompanied by an asterisk for a reason. Among others, to make it clear that Bisexual peeps aren't left out. And that trans people are also included. And here I sit, thinking nevertheless, am I allowed to see myself in that spot? Am I enough to take up space in there?

And here I am again with my internalized transphobia. Speaking up, making yourself heard is hard enough for trans feminine people. Especially when you click for everyone and people's first instinct is to address you with he/him pronouns.

Because those are traits are often enough seen as male - and when you don't identify as such you start to try everything to avoid being put into that box. Which results in a self-silencing. Including on such important dates where visibility is what it's about.

So here I am ... Trying to fight these feelings. And as much as I see it needed to be visible in the bisexual community, I also see it very much needed to be visible in the lesbian* community, because I feel connected to both. A lot.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

December 28 2019

22:22

Puberty

I was musing about writing about this publicly. For the first time in all these years of writing pretty personal stuff about my feelings, my way of becoming more honest with myself and a more authentic person through that I was thinking about letting you in on this is a good idea.

You see, people have used information from my personal blog in the past, and tried to use it against me. Needless to say they failed with it, and it only showed their true face. So why does it feel different this time?

Thing is, I'm in the midst of my second puberty, and the hormones are kicking in in complete hardcore mode. And it doesn't help at all that there is trans antagonist crap from the past and also from the present popping up left and right at a pace and a concentrated amount that is hard to swallow on its own without the puberty.

Yes, I used to be able to take those things with a much more stable state. But every. Single. Of. These. Issues is draining all the energy out of myself. And even though I'm aware that I'm not the only one trying to fix all of those, even though for some spots I'm the only one doing the work, it's easier said than done that I don't have to fix the world, when the areas involved mean the world to me. Are areas that support me in so many ways. Are places that I need. And on top of that, the hormones are multiplying the energy drain of those.

So ... I know it's not that common. I know you are not used to a grown up person to go through puberty. But for god's sake. Don't make it harder than it has to be. I know it's hard to deal with a 46 year old teenager, so to say, I'm just trying to survive in this world of systematic oppression of trans people.

It would be nice to go for a week without having to cry your eyes out because another hostile event happened that directly affects your existence. The existence of trans lives aren't a matter of different opinions or different points of view, so don't treat it like that, if you want me to believe that you are a person able of empathy and basic respect.

Sidenote: Finishing to write this at this year's #36c3 is quite interesting because of the conference title: Resource Exhaution. Oh the irony.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 13 | Flattr this

December 06 2019

23:01

Oxa

It's been a while. And to be honest, I'm overdue with a few things that I want to get out. One of those things is … Brazil doesn't let me go. I'm watching this country since over a year now, hopefully understandable with the political changes last year and this year's debconf being there, and I promise to go into more details with that in the future because there is more and more to it …

Because one of those things that showed me that Brazil doesn't want to let me go was stumbling upon this artist. They were shared by some friends, and I instantly fell for them. This is about Oxa, but see for yourself:

  • Toy: Their first performance at the show »The Voice of Germany«, where they also stated that they are non-binary. And the song is lovely.
  • Born This Way: With this one, the spoken word interlude gave me goosebumps and I'm astonished that this was possible to get into the show. Big respect!
  • I'm Still Standing: The lyrics in this song are also just as powerful as the other chosen ones. Extremely fine selection!

I'm absolute in love with the person on so many levels–and yes, they are from Brazil originally. Multo brigado, Brazil!

/music | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

November 20 2019

13:33

Trans Day of Remembrance 2019

Today, November 20th, is Trans Day of Remembrance. It is about remembering victims of hate crimes that aren't amongst us anymore. Last year we learned about at least 331 murdered trans people, the real number is like always higher. Also like always it affects mostly trans women of color who are the target of multiple discriminatory patterns.

What is also a pattern is that Brazil has a fair chunk of those murders. Unfortunately the country since a while is on the top in that statistic, but the election of an right winged outspoken queer hating person as president of the country last year did make those who feel the hate having some sort of legitimacy to it, which makes it obviously harder to survive these days. My thoughts thus are specifically with the people of Brazil who fight for their survival.

Right-winged parties though rise all around the globe spreading hate, and as our Debian Free Software Guidelines say in #5, "No Discrimination Against Persons or Groups", and this is something that we can't limit only to software licenses but also have to extend to the way we work as community.

If you ask what you can do: Support your local community spaces and support groups. I had the pleasure to meet Grupo Dignidade during my stay in Curitiba for DebConf 19, and was very thankful for a representative of that group to join my Debian Diversity BoF. Thanks again, Ananda, it was lovely having you!

Meu Corpo é Político - my body is political.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

December 28 2019

22:22

Puberty

I was musing about writing about this publicly. For the first time in all these years of writing pretty personal stuff about my feelings, my way of becoming more honest with myself and a more authentic person through that I was thinking about letting you in on this is a good idea.

You see, people have used information from my personal blog in the past, and tried to use it against me. Needless to say they failed with it, and it only showed their true face. So why does it feel different this time?

Thing is, I'm in the midst of my second puberty, and the hormones are kicking in in complete hardcore mode. And it doesn't help at all that there is trans antagonist crap from the past and also from the present popping up left and right at a pace and a concentrated amount that is hard to swallow on its own without the puberty.

Yes, I used to be able to take those things with a much more stable state. But every. Single. Of. These. Issues is draining all the energy out of myself. And even though I'm aware that I'm not the only one trying to fix all of those, even though for some spots I'm the only one doing the work, it's easier said than done that I don't have to fix the world, when the areas involved mean the world to me. Are areas that support me in so many ways. Are places that I need. And on top of that, the hormones are multiplying the energy drain of those.

So ... I know it's not that common. I know you are not used to a grown up person to go through puberty. But for god's sake. Don't make it harder than it has to be. I know it's hard to deal with a 46 year old teenager, so to say, I'm just trying to survive in this world of systematic oppression of trans people.

It would be nice to go for a week without having to cry your eyes out because another hostile event happened that directly affects your existence. The existence of trans lives aren't a matter of different opinions or different points of view, so don't treat it like that, if you want me to believe that you are a person able of empathy and basic respect.

Sidenote: Finishing to write this at this year's #36c3 is quite interesting because of the conference title: Resource Exhaution. Oh the irony.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 13 | Flattr this

December 06 2019

23:01

Oxa

It's been a while. And to be honest, I'm overdue with a few things that I want to get out. One of those things is … Brazil doesn't let me go. I'm watching this country since over a year now, hopefully understandable with the political changes last year and this year's debconf being there, and I promise to go into more details with that in the future because there is more and more to it …

Because one of those things that showed me that Brazil doesn't want to let me go was stumbling upon this artist. They were shared by some friends, and I instantly fell for them. This is about Oxa, but see for yourself:

  • Toy: Their first performance at the show »The Voice of Germany«, where they also stated that they are non-binary. And the song is lovely.
  • Born This Way: With this one, the spoken word interlude gave me goosebumps and I'm astonished that this was possible to get into the show. Big respect!
  • I'm Still Standing: The lyrics in this song are also just as powerful as the other chosen ones. Extremely fine selection!

I'm absolute in love with the person on so many levels–and yes, they are from Brazil originally. Multo brigado, Brazil!

/music | permanent link | Comments: 0 | Flattr this

December 28 2019

22:22

Puberty

I was musing about writing about this publicly. For the first time in all these years of writing pretty personal stuff about my feelings, my way of becoming more honest with myself and a more authentic person through that I was thinking about letting you in on this is a good idea.

You see, people have used information from my personal blog in the past, and tried to use it against me. Needless to say they failed with it, and it only showed their true face. So why does it feel different this time?

Thing is, I'm in the midst of my second puberty, and the hormones are kicking in in complete hardcore mode. And it doesn't help at all that there is trans antagonist crap from the past and also from the present popping up left and right at a pace and a concentrated amount that is hard to swallow on its own without the puberty.

Yes, I used to be able to take those things with a much more stable state. But every. Single. Of. These. Issues is draining all the energy out of myself. And even though I'm aware that I'm not the only one trying to fix all of those, even though for some spots I'm the only one doing the work, it's easier said than done that I don't have to fix the world, when the areas involved mean the world to me. Are areas that support me in so many ways. Are places that I need. And on top of that, the hormones are multiplying the energy drain of those.

So ... I know it's not that common. I know you are not used to a grown up person to go through puberty. But for god's sake. Don't make it harder than it has to be. I know it's hard to deal with a 46 year old teenager, so to say, I'm just trying to survive in this world of systematic oppression of trans people.

It would be nice to go for a week without having to cry your eyes out because another hostile event happened that directly affects your existence. The existence of trans lives aren't a matter of different opinions or different points of view, so don't treat it like that, if you want me to believe that you are a person able of empathy and basic respect.

Sidenote: Finishing to write this at this year's #36c3 is quite interesting because of the conference title: Resource Exhaution. Oh the irony.

/personal | permanent link | Comments: 13 | Flattr this

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